Almost Six Decades

The reason I started this blog was because I was embarking on my sixtieth year on this planet.  I thought it might be interesting to keep a record of some sort.  I don't know exactly what I thought would be so interesting to record - I guess I'm still trying to figure it out.

I've been around for almost six decades (59 years, 2 months, and 22 days), and I find myself at a point unlike any before in my life.  Most of the time, there were experiences and goals to look forward to:  going to college, getting married, having a baby, moving to a new city, starting a new job.

Right now, the road ahead seems difficult to see, much less navigate.  I've never looked forward to retirement as a goal, and I expect my current semi-retirement to be temporary.  But, who do I want to be, what do I want to do, and where do I want to go?

My Twelve Month Plan is attached to this blog.  It lists a number of intentions and activities for my sixtieth year.  Beyond that, there is a big question mark.  That's what I'll be thinking about over New Year's weekend. 

Stay tuned.

$5

When I was a freshman in college (1969-1970), if I had a $5 bill tucked away, I felt like I had an emergency fund.  What did $5 represent?  Well, $5 was how much I got paid for working as a receptionist three hours each Saturday morning at a local optometrist's office.  It could buy a concert ticket or 26 19-cent hamburgers or 83 6-cent postage stamps.  I didn't have a car, but $5 could buy 14 gallons of gasoline. 

Nowadays, it would definitely take more than $5 to fulfill my definition of an emergency fund, but $5 still counts for something.  A fast-food meal or a frozen entree, a local bus ticket, a bottle of store-brand pain medication - all these can make a difference for under $5. 

And, with December 31 fast approaching, a year-end contribution of even $5 will be welcomed by a favorite cause or charity, most of which have been hard-hit in recent years.  Many groups have secure on-line donation websites, so no expense for envelope or stamp is involved.

The $5 that felt like so much 40 years ago is still worth something.  It is up to me to make it count.

Stay tuned.

Four's a Crowd?

Rejoice in the things that are present; all else is beyond thee.  ~Montaigne

During a recent evening with three friends, I became aware that they were referring to experiences and events in which I had not been included.  I immediately started to think of what I might have missed and to feel like I was left out.  It seemed like "three's company, four's a crowd."

Fortunately, it didn't last long.  I realized that - whatever they may have done without me - I was with them now (by invitation), and it was up to me to make the most of it.  As we shared food and conversation, I took pleasure in their company without worrying about my ranking on their scale of friendship.

I know that, in the past, I sometimes let feelings of hurt or rejection take over and spoil what is happening in the present moment.  Thankfully, on this particular evening, I did not allow that to happen, and I was able to rejoice in the here and now.

Stay tuned.

Three Generations

Our Christmas celebration last Saturday was very special.  Mom was able to spend the day with us - us being all four of her children and almost all her grandchildren.  The three generations had a festive and relaxing day with delicious food, exchanging of gifts, and some hot games of Scattergories and Buzz Word.  The highlight of the day was brother Michael and his girlfriend announcing their engagement. 

Since Mom moved into the Alzheimer's facility last February, her condition has slowly declined.  It felt sad to see her celebrating Christmas in a wheelchair, but it didn't seem to dim her smile for a minute.  I enjoyed hearing her call me by name when she first arrived and seeing her try on the "reindeer antlers" that someone was passing around.

We've been told that - by next December- we will probably have to visit Mom at her care home for Christmas.  It is unlikely she will be able to attend another family get-together.  Fortunately, we have the memory of Christmas 2010 to carry with us to future holidays.

Stay tuned as the twelve days of Christmas continue.

Wait a second!

Please note that I have re-written one sentence from yesterday's blog.  Instead of "I am vowing to write every day for 12 days in this blog, hoping it will be the beginning of a more consistent writing practice," I now state that "I vow to write every day for 12 days in this blog, with the intention of establishing a more consistent writing practice.

Not only does "I vow" sound more definite than "I am vowing," but replacing hope with intention makes for a stronger statement - at least to me.  This is supported by http://www.merriamwebster.com/ where "hope" is defined as "cherishing a desire with anticipation" and intention as "a determination to act in a certain way; resolve."  I am not just cherishing, desiring, anticipating a more consistent writing practice; I am intending, determining, resolving to write more consistently.

Rather than hoping to do more writing, I intend - as Captain Picard might have said - to "make it so."

Stay tuned.

12 Days of Christmas

When are the twelve days of Christmas?  They are generally considered the days between Christmas and Epiphany.  Some say the twelve days are December 25 to January 5; some say they are December 26 to January 6.  Either way, Christmas has just begun or is just about to begin. 

Right now, many are cleaning up wrapping paper and ribbon and dealing with dirty dishes and empty bottles, thinking that Christmas is over for another year.  But isn't it really just starting?  The Christmas story is the story of a birth - and a birth is a beginning. 

Beginning now - December 25 - I am vowing to write every day for 12 days in this blog, hoping it will be the beginning of a more consistent writing practice.

Stay tuned.

Rejoice!

"Rejoice evermore.  Rejoice evermore.  Oh, I wish that it was always in my heart and in my tongue."  (John Adams as portrayed in HBO mini-series)

A few years ago, I was in a discussion about when in our lives we felt joy.  I was struggling to come up with something or someone or sometime that had brought me joy.  Not just something that made me happy, not just something I thought was pleasant or pretty, but something that made me feel like rejoicing.  Well, I drew a blank on experiencing joy in my own life.  Instead, I shared the best image of joy I could come up with: the picture of Snoopy as he whirls around dancing, looking absolutely ecstatic.

Since then, I've thought a lot about joy, but I still wasn't seeing or feeling what I perceived as joy in my life.  Then, this year, as I watched the HBO miniseries on John Adams, I was struck by his phrase, "Rejoice evermore."  He had been through many triumphs and many tragedies in his life, and he was now rejoicing as he walked a humble path on his farm.

I'm starting to believe that a particular event or place or person is not necessarily the source of joy in my life.  My awareness of the sky and the earth, the sounds and the silence, the ever-changing patterns of nature - perhaps these are experiences of joy.  The tiniest flower or the smallest gesture or the briefest word may be an opportunity to rejoice.

"Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you . . ."  (St. Paul in I Thessalonians 5:16-18)

Moments of joy might show up more frequently in my life if I release my preconceptions about what joy is "supposed" to look like.  I don't have to wait for the big event, the significant achievement, or the perfect partner to experience joy.  It must be around somewhere, everywhere, if St. Paul says "Rejoice always," and John Adams says "Rejoice evermore."

A New Approach to Gift Giving

The only gift is a portion of thyself.   ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

After spending many months clearing out Mom's house, I have developed a somewhat different approach to gift-giving for Christmas 2010.  Instead of shopping, I will be giving things I already have (such as the DVD I bought for my brother-in-law a few years back and forgot to give him).  Or, I will be making gifts that include family photos or memorabilia discovered during the clearing-out process.

In some cases, I will also be writing letters - not just my annual, generic family newsletter - but personal letters to some of the very special people in my life.  I have been particularly inspired to do this letter-writing by a friend who wrote me a beautiful letter last Christmas - and by an inexpensive, on-line short course entitled "The Gift of Words."  (See http://www.bigpictureclasses.com/ for more information.)

Although I originally decided to do this because of all the "stuff" I uncovered in Mom's house, and because I didn't want to spend a lot of money this Christmas,  I have discovered that this approach is a lot of fun.  What do I want to do for each person on my list using the resources I already have on hand?  It is a challenge and a pleasure to come up with ideas I might never have thought of had I just headed for the mall.

Even more challenging, what do I want to say to some of the people I love and appreciate?  Have I ever told them how much they mean to me?  And why they are important in my life?  Putting these thoughts into words will provide a much more personal gift than I could ever buy in a store.

Don't misunderstand - there is nothing wrong with shopping for the "right" gift for the "right" person.  But, what I am realizing this year is that this new approach is giving something to me as well as to my family and friends.  My awareness of what's most important to me is growing, and my gratitude for all the blessings in my life is increasing.

Gumdrop Bread

My two sisters spent part of their Thanksgiving weekend with me, and one of the things we did was to make gumdrop bread.  Gumdrop bread is a big tradition in our family:  we've been serving it at holiday time for decades, the recipe makes a lot so everyone gets to eat plenty of it, and the chunks of colored gumdrop in the bread make it pretty as well as tasty.

With moving Mom into assisted living, and getting her house ready to sell, we hadn't made gumdrop bread for a few years.  Now I was settled in Portland, and it seemed time to renew our tradition.  With my sisters and I planning to get together anyway, it seemed like a natural time to do some holiday baking.

We actually divided up the steps involved in making the bread so that we started on Friday evening and finished on Saturday.  First, there were walnuts to chop, golden raisins to plump, and brightly colored gumdrops to cut up.  Then we had to locate the loaf pans we wanted to use - five of mine and four mini-loaf pans belonging to my sister.  We cut wax paper to fit the bottom of each greased loaf pan.  Before we went to bed, we got the butter out of the fridge so it would soften up during the night.  We were on top of this!

Next day, after a leisurely breakfast, we started by measuring out the dry ingredients to sift.  Oh, no!  Somehow, my almost-full bag of flour had been invaded by some tiny weevils - needless to say, it went straight out to the trash can.  A run to the store was needed to buy additional flour, and my sisters were interested in doing some other shopping as well. 

It was mid-afternoon by the time we got back to the gumdrop bread again.  After careful inspection, the dry ingredients were sifted.  The butter and sugar were creamed in the Kitchenaid mixer; then eggs, vanilla, and applesauce were added, filling the mixing bowl almost to the rim.  All these ingredients were then combined in the stockpot with the walnuts, raisins and gumdrops.  The stirring was hard work, so it was nice to be able to take turns.

All the bread could not be baked at once, so we started with six smaller size loaves, then three medium size loaves.  Then we washed and greased up four of the smaller pans to finish the process.  Baking time was 55-65 minutes for each group, so it was well into the evening by the time we were done.  But, what a sense of accomplishment to look at the 13 golden-brown loaves!  And, what a sense of tradition as we remembered Mom serving this same bread over 50 years ago! 

Next morning, I carefully wrapped two of the loaves in foil, and marked them "Christmas Day."  This year, we will be serving the gumdrop bread to Mom.  We are so blessed!