Almost Six Decades

The reason I started this blog was because I was embarking on my sixtieth year on this planet.  I thought it might be interesting to keep a record of some sort.  I don't know exactly what I thought would be so interesting to record - I guess I'm still trying to figure it out.

I've been around for almost six decades (59 years, 2 months, and 22 days), and I find myself at a point unlike any before in my life.  Most of the time, there were experiences and goals to look forward to:  going to college, getting married, having a baby, moving to a new city, starting a new job.

Right now, the road ahead seems difficult to see, much less navigate.  I've never looked forward to retirement as a goal, and I expect my current semi-retirement to be temporary.  But, who do I want to be, what do I want to do, and where do I want to go?

My Twelve Month Plan is attached to this blog.  It lists a number of intentions and activities for my sixtieth year.  Beyond that, there is a big question mark.  That's what I'll be thinking about over New Year's weekend. 

Stay tuned.

$5

When I was a freshman in college (1969-1970), if I had a $5 bill tucked away, I felt like I had an emergency fund.  What did $5 represent?  Well, $5 was how much I got paid for working as a receptionist three hours each Saturday morning at a local optometrist's office.  It could buy a concert ticket or 26 19-cent hamburgers or 83 6-cent postage stamps.  I didn't have a car, but $5 could buy 14 gallons of gasoline. 

Nowadays, it would definitely take more than $5 to fulfill my definition of an emergency fund, but $5 still counts for something.  A fast-food meal or a frozen entree, a local bus ticket, a bottle of store-brand pain medication - all these can make a difference for under $5. 

And, with December 31 fast approaching, a year-end contribution of even $5 will be welcomed by a favorite cause or charity, most of which have been hard-hit in recent years.  Many groups have secure on-line donation websites, so no expense for envelope or stamp is involved.

The $5 that felt like so much 40 years ago is still worth something.  It is up to me to make it count.

Stay tuned.

Four's a Crowd?

Rejoice in the things that are present; all else is beyond thee.  ~Montaigne

During a recent evening with three friends, I became aware that they were referring to experiences and events in which I had not been included.  I immediately started to think of what I might have missed and to feel like I was left out.  It seemed like "three's company, four's a crowd."

Fortunately, it didn't last long.  I realized that - whatever they may have done without me - I was with them now (by invitation), and it was up to me to make the most of it.  As we shared food and conversation, I took pleasure in their company without worrying about my ranking on their scale of friendship.

I know that, in the past, I sometimes let feelings of hurt or rejection take over and spoil what is happening in the present moment.  Thankfully, on this particular evening, I did not allow that to happen, and I was able to rejoice in the here and now.

Stay tuned.

Three Generations

Our Christmas celebration last Saturday was very special.  Mom was able to spend the day with us - us being all four of her children and almost all her grandchildren.  The three generations had a festive and relaxing day with delicious food, exchanging of gifts, and some hot games of Scattergories and Buzz Word.  The highlight of the day was brother Michael and his girlfriend announcing their engagement. 

Since Mom moved into the Alzheimer's facility last February, her condition has slowly declined.  It felt sad to see her celebrating Christmas in a wheelchair, but it didn't seem to dim her smile for a minute.  I enjoyed hearing her call me by name when she first arrived and seeing her try on the "reindeer antlers" that someone was passing around.

We've been told that - by next December- we will probably have to visit Mom at her care home for Christmas.  It is unlikely she will be able to attend another family get-together.  Fortunately, we have the memory of Christmas 2010 to carry with us to future holidays.

Stay tuned as the twelve days of Christmas continue.

Wait a second!

Please note that I have re-written one sentence from yesterday's blog.  Instead of "I am vowing to write every day for 12 days in this blog, hoping it will be the beginning of a more consistent writing practice," I now state that "I vow to write every day for 12 days in this blog, with the intention of establishing a more consistent writing practice.

Not only does "I vow" sound more definite than "I am vowing," but replacing hope with intention makes for a stronger statement - at least to me.  This is supported by http://www.merriamwebster.com/ where "hope" is defined as "cherishing a desire with anticipation" and intention as "a determination to act in a certain way; resolve."  I am not just cherishing, desiring, anticipating a more consistent writing practice; I am intending, determining, resolving to write more consistently.

Rather than hoping to do more writing, I intend - as Captain Picard might have said - to "make it so."

Stay tuned.

12 Days of Christmas

When are the twelve days of Christmas?  They are generally considered the days between Christmas and Epiphany.  Some say the twelve days are December 25 to January 5; some say they are December 26 to January 6.  Either way, Christmas has just begun or is just about to begin. 

Right now, many are cleaning up wrapping paper and ribbon and dealing with dirty dishes and empty bottles, thinking that Christmas is over for another year.  But isn't it really just starting?  The Christmas story is the story of a birth - and a birth is a beginning. 

Beginning now - December 25 - I am vowing to write every day for 12 days in this blog, hoping it will be the beginning of a more consistent writing practice.

Stay tuned.

Rejoice!

"Rejoice evermore.  Rejoice evermore.  Oh, I wish that it was always in my heart and in my tongue."  (John Adams as portrayed in HBO mini-series)

A few years ago, I was in a discussion about when in our lives we felt joy.  I was struggling to come up with something or someone or sometime that had brought me joy.  Not just something that made me happy, not just something I thought was pleasant or pretty, but something that made me feel like rejoicing.  Well, I drew a blank on experiencing joy in my own life.  Instead, I shared the best image of joy I could come up with: the picture of Snoopy as he whirls around dancing, looking absolutely ecstatic.

Since then, I've thought a lot about joy, but I still wasn't seeing or feeling what I perceived as joy in my life.  Then, this year, as I watched the HBO miniseries on John Adams, I was struck by his phrase, "Rejoice evermore."  He had been through many triumphs and many tragedies in his life, and he was now rejoicing as he walked a humble path on his farm.

I'm starting to believe that a particular event or place or person is not necessarily the source of joy in my life.  My awareness of the sky and the earth, the sounds and the silence, the ever-changing patterns of nature - perhaps these are experiences of joy.  The tiniest flower or the smallest gesture or the briefest word may be an opportunity to rejoice.

"Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you . . ."  (St. Paul in I Thessalonians 5:16-18)

Moments of joy might show up more frequently in my life if I release my preconceptions about what joy is "supposed" to look like.  I don't have to wait for the big event, the significant achievement, or the perfect partner to experience joy.  It must be around somewhere, everywhere, if St. Paul says "Rejoice always," and John Adams says "Rejoice evermore."